Hello. I like to call myself "Your Robot Friend" but you can call me "My Robot Friend." I am a robot and I make music but first and foremost, I am your friend.

The good folks at Robotsound™ also wanted me to mention that I have a robot cock that is capable of shooting fire, sparks, confetti, streamers and gallons of white plastic flakes. But I don't want to talk about my cock. Really, I don't. I swear. It was only a request from Robotsound™ that I write about my cock. If it were up to me I would avoid talking about my cock altogether and focus on music. Seriously. Although, I must admit, it is a nice cock.

Anyway, as your friend, I wanted to help improve your life by teaching you about a very important fact. Here it is:

Songs in which robots sing and play music are way better than those that involve humans by themselves. In addition, I can easily recall the names of 50 active bands and artists with the word "robot" in their title; 51 if you count Marc Ribot. His last name sounds like "robot" and is most likely supposed to be Marc Robot, but someone messed up the spelling. There are hundreds of albums with the word "robot" in them and thousands of songs that feature robots in their title or subject matter. Again, the reason for this is simply that robots are awesome. I can not stress this enough: Robots = Awesome.

I put together a little mixtape to help illustrate the point.

Cher "Believe" Warner Bros. 1998
Cher will always have a soft spot in my heart for that video where she dances in a g-string with those sailors. But to be honest, I don't like this song very much. I put it here, however, to prove a point. Humans are not robots! When they try to pretend to sing like robots, disaster ensues! This is how World Wars start. This is why people get divorced. This is how George Bush got elected... twice!! It all starts with humans pretending to be robots. Only robots can sing like robots. Okay? Let this song serve as a stark reminder of how much ass robots are capable of kicking on the mic compared to humans.

Kraftwerk "Die Roboter" Capitol 1978
So, this is the classic song that goes "We are the robots..." originally written by Kraftwerk. You may not recognize the title "Die Roboter" or think that perhaps it is a slur against robots, but actually it is the German version of "The Robots." The German version is the best because German is the most naturally robotic sounding language in the world.

Mr. Hopkinson's Computer "Fake Plastic Trees" Self-Released 2006
I discovered Mr Hopkinson's computer through my computer. One day, my computer said, "Hey, My Robot Friend, there is this guy named Mr. Hopkinson and he has a computer that sings. You can download a cover of Radiohead and other cool songs for free here. Mr Hopkinson's Computer sings about the artificial world with an insincerity and lack of emotion that only machines can truly master. Even human vocalists of refined artifice such as Frank Sinatra could not come close to this level of shallow absence of feeling.

The Surfin' Robots "Dance The Surfin' Robot" Soundz 2003
The Surfin' Robots are a band of robots who surf. And they sing electro songs about surfing. Need I say more? ... Okay. Well, even though I know I don't need to say more, I feel compelled to add one more thing: They are also French. [Proof that ROBOTS and FRENCH PEOPLE mix! - dr™]

Daft Punk "Around the World" Virgin 1997
Daft Punk are a band of robots who rock out. And they sing electro songs about rocking out. Need I say more? ... Okay. Well, even though I know I don't need to say more, I feel compelled to add one more thing: They are also French.

LFO "Freak" Warp 2003
This is NOT the LFO boy band, okay?! It is Mark Bell and he kicks total electro ass. I've listened to this song 5,234,999 times already and I'm still not sick of it. The vocals are sung by a robot. In fact, any songs by LFO that have lyrics are sung by robots. That is as it should be. Mark Bell has also produced songs by Bjork and Depeche Mode which makes sense because they are also robots. The lyrics to "Freak" are simply: "This is going to make you freak." That's all that's said and that's all that needs to be said.

The Plastics "Robot" Rough Trade 1979
The Plastics are a somewhat forgotten Japanese new wave band from the late 70s/early 80s. I first found out about them while watching the movie "Downtown 81." The beginning lyrics of this song go: "IBM! IBM! IBM! NHK! NHK! NHK! TDK! TDK! TDK! CIA! CIA! CIA! You are Robot." The original version of this song was partially sung by a Speak & Spell which makes it even more awesome.

Benny Benassi "Satisfaction" 2002
This song blew up in clubs all over the world in the year 2003. It was so sexy that it caused many humans to have nonstop intercourse on the dance floor. Ironically, as part of the robot master plan for total world domination, this song also causes sterility. Ha! Ha! Ha! Foolish humans. Soon your planet will be ours!

Vector Lovers "Girl + Robot" Soma 2005
If you ever wonder what kind of music robots listen to while having sex, this is it.

Herbie Hancock "Rockit" Columbia 1983
Herbie Hancock only made one truly great song and that song is "Rockit." It is probably one of the best songs ever, and yet... it presents something of a mystery. How is it possible that Herbie Hancock has written something like 3 billion songs since he first started making music in the 1960s and yet none of them even comes close to the level of sheer amazing awesomeness of "Rockit?" The answer is simple: Robots. The song "Rockit" was actually written, composed, and performed by robots. If you doubt that fact, all you have to do is watch the amazing video for the song online. It features robots dancing, smacking each other around, squeezing toothpaste and causing trouble with only a brief appearance by Mr. Hancock on a TV screen. You can call Herbie Hancock a "jazz master" if you want, but I think that he should be ashamed for trying to take credit for this song.

Speaking of Hancock, did I mention that I have a robot cock that is capable of shooting fire, sparks, confetti, streamers and gallons of white plastic flakes? Okay, okay. I know...